I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
