You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
