and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My liver just had a heart attack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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