I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
