READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
