I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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