my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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