You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
