He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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