i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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