youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
