saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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