You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
