New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize