Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a search helicopter?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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