I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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