hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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