The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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