also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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