the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
