once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
