I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
