he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
