This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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