Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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