you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
