You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
