Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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