yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
