Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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