everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
