Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
