I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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