If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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