ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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