he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
