its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize