I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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