hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
