I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
