Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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