You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
