Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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