I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
