I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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