I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
