I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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