i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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