Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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