Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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