I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
