Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
