I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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