He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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