I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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