I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she told me i tasted like america
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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