don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
