i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
