If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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