Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
