How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
