But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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