I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
