Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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