Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
