This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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