Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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