one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
