i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
