She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
