she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
