So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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