I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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