yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
