dude i'm inner monologue high
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
