i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
