I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
