I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
